17 March 2013

what is a friend?

~ a friend is one who listens to u chatter about everything and nothing.

~ a friend will tell u like it is and then stand by u.

~ a friend will walk away for a time when things get rocky then returns.

~ a friend true friend lifts u up to Father God and prays for healing for u.

~ a friend will never let u go!

sometimes a friend has to walk away and let the other get to a point of decision. all the while praying for that person. the pain of not sharing for an extended period of time is hard. but praying thru it and trusting God helps to ease the separation.

so many thoughts and questions have raced thru my mind. What did i do? could i have been more open and talked about things? but what things could i have changed? or talked about? y did my friend push me away? was i not a good enough friend? all these thoughts/questions have passed thru my mind. but each time, God told me, "It's not u, it's her." i continued praying for my friend as well as me. i want to make sure that i won't cause a problem for her and i want to be the best friend i can be.

it's been a long time, but God answers in His time. i was wondering if my friend and i would ever be friends again. how long do i wait? i wait until God sends an answer.

and a few days ago, He did.

here is part of the conversation that took place on March 11th: (names r removed for privacy)

[00:11:35] Tawli: i know u do... that's y it's been so hard. i really don't have anyone to talk to but God.
[00:13:17] friend: i dont have noone either i am ashamed of myself for building a wall between us,dont know why but i did,you have done no wrong its me
[00:14:25] Tawli: and all this time, i thought it was me...
[00:17:42] friend: no Tawli it never was you its me thats what i have been dealing with i told mom last night the one and only person i trust is Tawli and me being stupid built a wall on what others have said about me i always felt safe around her we had nothing but fun and I AND ONLY I DESTROYED IT,mom said then tell Tawli I told her I couldnt
[00:18:46] Tawli: u just did :)
[00:19:08] friend: I know i am so ashamed
[00:19:44] friend: i hate me right now,it has botherd me all this time i have no joy anymore
[00:20:16] friend: i just am here thats it
[00:20:50] Tawli: that's where the book of James can help. it will show u how to retrieve the joy of the Lord and how to give it away.
[00:21:08] friend: all i do is cry,i just dont want to live any more but i do for the grandkids
[00:23:54] Tawli: my friend, if u don't get ur relationship with God back in order, u will loose ur grandkids. and i don't mean physically or custody. i mean spiritually.
[00:24:31] friend: i know but i cant do it alone
[00:25:10] Tawli: u may not like to read, but open up that Bible to James 1 and take one section or chapter at a time. then reread it and right down what u r feeling.
[00:25:30] friend: i never was the person just to read you all ways broke it down where i could understand it better
[00:25:46] Tawli: no u can't do it alone. but u have to be willing to bear open even the deepest and most secretive places to God.
[00:26:04] friend: \ok
[00:27:10] Tawli: u really r not alone.
[00:28:41] friend: yes i am you are not here soooooooooooooo yes i am
[00:28:51] friend: now what?
[00:30:53] Tawli: u know that song, I will stand by u. I will help u thru. when u've done all u can do and u can't cope. i will dry your eyes. i will fight ur fight. I will hold u tight. and I won't let go.
[00:31:15] Tawli: it's not just talking about a physical person being there.
[00:31:27] friend: so why did you let go?
[00:31:36] Tawli: i never let go
[00:31:51] friend: even when i needed you wait never mind i let go
[00:32:44] Tawli: u see, i have never let go. even when i could no longer be there physically
[00:32:55] friend: do you have my new cell number?i lost your number when my old phone quit working
[00:33:04] Tawli: i always lifted u up to God.
[00:33:37] Tawli: no, i don't have ur new #
[00:34:00] Tawli: and many times, i had tears in my eyes.
[00:34:34] Tawli: my problem is i don't cry. at least not where people can see.
[00:35:20] friend: i know but you even quit callin me...my cell had your number i had been without a phone for months,thats why i never called my phone quit working i had your number stored when my phone quit working i lost your number had no way of calling you
~{just chatting}~
[00:54:15] Tawli: i have been wondering if and/or when u would return.
[00:54:22] friend: never will let go,i promise that,i am only human but will do better about self
[00:57:35] Tawli: so next time i come over and knock on ur door to give u a hug or say "HI, u won't tell tony to tell me that i'm sleeping or not feeling well, right?
[00:58:15] Tawli: cuz i really want to come over and give u a hug as soon as i can.
[00:59:20] Tawli: it'll prolly be when i come over to give her belated b-day gift. we only have one vehicle now as the truck sits in driveway broken
[00:59:46] friend: told you before have no reason to lie

it totally blew me away. must be honest tho, i was still wondering if this were really true. so we made plans to gtg on a friday nite.
let me tell ya, it was good to hang with my friend again.
i am looking forward to sharing more friend times with her. hopefully, we can enjoy bowling, cards, and whatever else we can think of soon.
one thing i will not stop doin' for my friend is praying for her. more than anything else i want her to experience a deeper relationship with God, Jesus and Holy Spirit. i hope that she will dig deep and let God have all she carries. the freedom of not having those uglies inside is so freeing. i am still walking it. i have come a long way but still have a long way to go. maybe we can walk the road together. might make it a bit easier.
a friend that walks with u is a friend willing to stick with u thru whatever comes their way, even if it means separating for a while.
i truly hope i have found that friend, again. 8)