14 May 2013

so much goin' on

there is so much goin' on in my head the past few days.

in february, i started riding the bike my hubby got me. all the extra stuff he picked up with the bike really makes the ride nice.

Kaylee, my hubby's dog, has begun to dig. she is not known for that. it was something i had to deal with with my Brahka. hubby thinks Kaylee is feeling anxiety over separation. guess it's finally sinking in that Brahka isn't coming home. with that said, i still feel the emptiness Brahka left when i let her go. even now the tears come to my eyes. some find their way down silently on my cheeks. hubby wants me to walk but i refuse. really don't like walking and really don't like walking alone. he has suggested taking Kaylee but i won't do it. Kaylee isn't my dog, she never has been my dog. Kaylee is my hubby's dog. once again, i must live without a four-legged companion. it will be a while b4 i get another four-legged companion as the one i want costs a bit more than hubby is willing to spend. only time will tell if i ever get the one i am wanting. i will not settle for one i do not want. wouldn't be fair to the dog. i believe that when u choose to have a pet, u need to commit to that animal. tho i committed, i wasn't always the best. those memories hurt. but i know that Brahka loved me cuz she would always come where i was. i miss that little dog.

this past weekend was made very special on Sunday. after i returned from church, hubby took me to the movies and then a good dinner. movie: IRONMAN 3 dinner: OLIVE GARDEN
really enjoyed the movie. now i need to see the second one. :) maybe we can get the blurays. hubby made me feel special on Mother's Day. i really am truly blessed to have a man like him.
the next day, i read what my youngest daughter wrote. she really touched my heart. it was so beautiful.

Monday, May 13th, my sister, Chris would have been 49. however, she has been in Heaven since Feb1978. even tho it's been that long ago since she left this earth, i have not forgotten. i often wonder what life would be like if she were still here. what would i be doin'? would i have made different choices? how different would not only my life but my family's life have been back in 1978. so many questions that won't be answered. many things would be different i'm sure. but enough of the wondering. life is now and the past is the past but missing my sister has never diminished. tho my loss is much less than what my mother must go thru. i can't imagine the pain of loosing a child. even tho mom has the peace that passes all understanding, it still must ache in her heart not having her around. mom is so strong. hope i can be the same in a similar situation, if that situation ever comes around.

as u can see, i have had lots of thoughts goin' thru my mind. riding my bike helps me "fix it all". riding the bike can really help in getting the mind cleared and ready for the day when the ride happens in the mornin'. however, with the heavy wind this mornin', i chose not to ride but get the recepts scanned into the system. the bike will be riden. my legs r wanting to get on it and go. but the rain is coming tomorrow and i still have lots of paperwork to scan into the system. i know that's no excuse but it's the truth. have put off doin' the scanning of receipts for 3 months. time to get my chores completed so i can enjoy the fun things without coming back to have the chores staring me in the face. hopefully, i will keep up with receipts and not let them go for so long.

there is one person that has carried me thru all the questions, pain, hurts, and joys. that one person is God. He has given me the comfort, strength, peace, and hope to get thru each and every situation and trial in my life. God has been there when i would not let anyone else in. Psalm 46:10 is so true: "Be still and know that I am God". when i am still, i can hear God speak and listen to Him telling me how much He loves me. He shares with me exactly what i need and i am refreshed and renewed.i truly am blessed.

just had to get that out. i feel a lot better now. 8)
Psalm 91:1,2: He that dwells in the secret place of the most high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. And I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in Him I will trust.