11 July 2013

my thoughts...

well, my family that was close is now gone. they have decided to move back to Washington. i am not happy about mom being so far away again.
it's not an easy thing to want your family part of ur life and then not able to be part of it. for many yrs i have lived far enough away that visiting is difficult. right now i hurt so bad inside that i have no idea how to deal with it.
i do have one light in my life that is beginning to shine bright. and that light is my BFF. get to spend time with her tomorrow all day. will be really nice. tho today, i thought i had more day to wait. it's actually Friday tomorrow. how did i get one day behind? but i will do ok.
when i found out that my mom was goin' back to Washington, i was not at all happy about it. but since she stays with my brother, she goes where he goes. in 2007 they moved to Missouri and now they will return to Washington. a few times, mom wanted to come down for visits but each and every time, her plans were thwarted. not once did she come down by herself for a visit. two times my brother with family came down and b4 brianna got married, brian and brianna stopped by for about an hour b4 leaving for Missouri.
i love my family very much but i have never felt a part of it. guess that's because of my childhood and the choices i made. i am glad brian and drina get to go back to where they really want to be. but i am sad they will be so far away. not really for them but because my mom is goin'. so many times i would have loved to share time with her but can't cuz of the distance. and now with them being so far away once again, the distance will be much more difficult to cross. email, computers, and skype can't take the place of one being physically there. and u can't play a good card game over the phone/puter. it's just not the same.
MOM, i love u and i will miss u. have no idea when we can see each other again. have a safe trip.

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