09 January 2014


choices... with choices come consequences... make the right choice and the consequences of that right choice can be uplifting, satisfying, and strengthening. make the wrong choice and the consequences of that wrong choice can be downtrodden, dissatisfying, and weakening.

choices not only affect the one making the choice but everyone around them, whether they see it or not.

choices that make one strong r not usually the easiest to follow. struggles and trials accompany the right choice. but the right choice always brings strength in oneself that is fulfilling and gives a sense of pride in oneself that can be built upon. it also has a ripple effect that others see and can draw from giving them hope.

choices that make one weak seem to be easier with less struggle and trials accompanying it. "smooth sailing" so they say. but is is really "smooth sailing"? making the choice to be weakened by giving up the "so-called struggles and trials" of the right choice really is NOT "smooth sailing".

choosing to take the "easy way out" is not the easy way. in the long run, it's the hardest and most difficult way to go. making the strong choice or weak choice will affect u the rest of ur life as it does those around u. u see, choices don't only affect u. they affect everyone and everything around u.

having a conversation with someone, i found this to be quite enlightening:
We don't go to bed angry - or even upset... because we both know we can't stay mad at each other... I'm pretty sure a day will come when we fight and are really angry but I am praying that it will not come until we are set completely in our ways of NOT letting our anger last the night...

It may take a while, but we both don't go to bed angry... I love that. Because I may be upset, laying next to him but the moment he wraps his arms around me and snuggles up to me, I melt and can't help but forgive anything that's upset me and we both just let it go.

I know I've never been married before, I know this will be an interesting ride, but I am glad God has given me the wisdom he has... because without it, I know I'd probably be somewhere very unhappy.

So if anything, I want that for her too. I want her to have that same foundation of love and respect we have... For her to wake up next to the man God chose for her, to be greeted with a kiss or a hug every morning and when he returns from working, to be called on the phone on his breaks or before he comes home from work to let her know he's on his way, to cuddle up together to watch a movie and enjoy the warmth of his strong arms around her, to feel safe in his hold, to love the scent of her man no matter what time of day or night, to be reflected in his eyes when she looks into his... all these things and thousands more, I want for her - she really does deserve to be loved like that... to be cherished as my guy cherishes me, and yours cherishes you. To be able to be vulnerable while she leans on her man for support, to be able to go to the store together and have him worry about HER even when he's the one carrying everything (For goodness sake!)...

The kids deserve to have a dad who will cheer them on, coach them in life lessons, be willing to play with them even if they are weary or tired from working all day, to help them with their studies, to stand by them when they've fallen or to defend them when they are under attack, to play catch even though he's made plans, to love them as they should be loved.

I know my man is older than her man, but I think because my man has sought God in a fashion... I'm not saying it's perfect, but God and Les are working to better himself every day - I believe her man could be a better husband, and father if he'd just "let go and Let God" when it came to the struggles - I mean, my man still struggles with that even, but in the end, he lets go... he lets God do what he does, and in the end, it makes my man more of the man he is. If her man could do that, I believe things could work out.
I really want happiness for them. For the kids too. With so many marriages ending so soon and so horribly... it's a wonder there are any marriages left in the world... but I don't want to see her become another statistic case... or see her man become another dead beat dad... I want to see them come together especially at this point... because this, their 6th year together - a milestone of 5 yrs has passed - and to me that's a wonderful feat!

Most marriages are statistically lasting less than 10 yrs nowadays - and I would love to see them beat that! The benefits would be wonderful and the rewards for lasting even just 10 years is amazing! I mean, look at y'all's marriage?! 29 yrs this year! That's a wonderful undertaking! I'm very proud of ya'll and I love to brag about couples beating the world's view of marriage to a pulp!

I hope we will last just as long if not longer! So I am enjoying every moment, every small second with my man as much as I can - even though I'm a hormonally challenged woman right now, I still try not to over react... (yeah.... I do that a lot nowadays)... but my man continually reassures me, always telling me it's ok or we'll make it through this, or whatever the case may be...

She is trying in her marriage - this I know for sure, I can't really judge on her man because I am not around enough to see the relationship status of either of them. But I know that she can be very stubborn, very arrogant, and very hard to be around at times - but if he's made it this long with her; then my question is this... why back out now? That's 7 years down the drain for both of them... 2 years they were together before hand, 5 years of marriage... Why suddenly throw 7 years down the drain?
also, if her man just married her because of the kids... another thought comes to mind...

What about the kids now? The kids are still young, they still need their father's involvement and they still need a father's presence in their life... I mean, if he married her for the kids' sake... then why would he walk out on his kids NOW of all times?

I can understand if he leaves (Lord forbid) after the kids are grown and out on their own - ok, sure if that was the reason he stayed, then he showed his kids that taking responsibility for your actions is the right thing to do... true. However, if he leaves now, he's basically telling his kids the opposite... That you don't have to take responsibility, that taking the easy way is ok, that avoiding the struggles in a marriage is ok, and that leaving a woman/man with two kids is alright.

Basically he'd be showing them that he's a coward and low life that can't take a little pressure... Which will then reflect onto his SON... think about that?! their boy is still very young, very impressionable and very much like his father... so if her man walks out - what example does that leave their boy?
their daughter, she's still a young woman, who needs her dad around for the fatherly support... What example is he showing her, by leaving? That men aren't worth it, that all men are going to leave no matter how hard you try to keep them, that men just use women to get something but give nothing in return and leave when the going gets tough? That men are cowards?

her man has more than just his own life to think about - he has to think about those kids' lives too - if he really does love them, and if he really did care, he'd at least stick it out until they were on their own with their own lives to live - AT THE VERY LEAST! Because then at least they'd have their father in the picture, they'd have that example of taking responsibility for their actions... They also wont have that identity crises and those years of wondering, questioning, or seeking for something.

So if her man married her for the kids' sake... Then what's he showing them, by walking out now?
That's my take on it...
now if she had done wrong and cheated or was the one messing around on the side, I can see him taking this step... and I wouldn't be upset at him for it, but I don't believe she has done that wrong, or dishonored him in any way that would qualify for him leaving her in that fashion.

The bible simply states that the only reason a man/woman is to divorce is because of Marriage infidelity. --- yes I know that's a bit historical even in the biblical sense, but I hold true to that... I believe that whole heartedly.
Simply because marriage is a sacred thing, between one man and one woman.

However, as you have stated, her man has chosen not to follow God in this - so his choice is worldly viewed as OK ... or "it's ok to leave no matter what, because marriage is not binding or life long" as the world views it... Or "Those vows you took at the alter are just words, they mean nothing if you aren't happy." Well if those words mean nothing to her man... then by all means, get away from her and her kids - She deserves someone who KNOWS the power of those promised words and the fact they are BINDING...

If her man leaves, I wish him blessing and I wish him well. Because obviously, he was not the man she needed in her life - and God has someone better out there who will cherish her and those kids. I don't want him to leave, but if God is breaking this apart, which I hope not, then let God do his work in both of them.

Let God's will be done. her man will find that being single is fun for a time - but he will see what he's lost - because he doesn't know the blessings he has now... and the saying is so true "You never know what you have until it's gone"... So, either way, I wish her and those kids blessings and love. I wish her man, no matter his choice, blessings - because God will deal with him in his own time and way.
i tried to put my thoughts into words on this as well but found it difficult. i found that choices were made by the once sharing. those choices weren't always the right ones but the consequences were changed when the right choice was made.

so the questions i have for those facing this same kind of situation is:
what choice will u make? have u thoroughly thought thru, prayed and sought God on that choice? have u considered the affect it will have, if married, on each member of the family? have u considered how u will proceed as u make that choice? by that i mean, if kids r involved, where the kids will live, how will they be taken care of when the parent is at work, how will they get to and from school and activities, and how often will they see the other parent? so much more is also involved. so choices, right or wrong, affect more than just the one making the choice.

as stated above, God should be consulted and sought in all situations. but when one does not seek out God and follows their own way, chaos and strife r very prevelant. and the reactions from the children can be very strong even when parents do not speak. children feel the tension and strife in the home. they act out their frustrations and don't really understand it. but when there is peace in the environment the child lives in, a child is less stressed and can be a child doin' what kids normally do, like bugging the tar out of their sibling and just getting into everything as the child learns right from wrong.
choices have so many scenarios that one should not make them in haste. choices should be thought about, prayed about, and then made. choices affect so many more than just the one making the choice.

don't u think choices should be made carefully?

what choice will u make?

until next time...