19 December 2012


it has been 15yrs since my dad graduated from this life to heaven. and it's still difficult to "get in the spirit of Christmas". by that i mean decorating and putting up the tree. but each year i put up the decorations and finally the tree. but the things my dad did were special. even tho i was far away and unable to spend the last few years with them at Christmas, the memories are still there. and the pain of him not here physically with us is present still.

and now, i am unable to see my grandchildren due to the fact that their mother, my daughter, is angry with me.
a few weeks ago, i promised my granddaughter that we could make cookies together for Christmas. i called and left a message for my daughter to let her know. i got no response. in hopes that my granddaughter would still come, i prepared the sugar cookies this morning and hoped for the best. my granddaughter got out of school at 1100hrs and was supposed to come right over to my house. it is now 1145hrs and she has not shown up. i am saddened by what her mother is doin'. it's only hurting my granddaughter and herself. and all this stems from my daughter not being able to control me and what i do. it's difficult watching her do these things and think she's gonna get what she wants. but even tho it hurts me to stand where i am and what i believe, i will let God deal with her and i will make sure i pray for her and her family. i hope and pray that my daughter will learn that she cannot control anything and that control is an illusion that steals the joy out of moment. when, and if, she learns that life will be so much more enjoyable. resting, trusting, and leaving the control to God is so much more peaceful.

well, i better get to those sugar cookies i don't get to share with my granddaughter.

23 October 2012


today's idolatry:
Isaiah tells us, "who but a fool would make his own god -- an idol that cannot help him one bit!" we think of idols as statues of wood or stone, but in reality an idol is anything natural that is given sacred value and power. if your answer to any of these questions is anything or anyone other than God, u may need to check out who or what u r worshiping.

who created me?
whom do i ultimately trust?
whom do i look to for ultimate truth?
whom do i look to for security and happiness?
who is in charge of my future?

taken from Life Application Study Bible.

these words can be found in Isaiah 44:10 and i believe that we have to answer the questions above honestly. there is a lot of information out there that can lead us in all different directions. but i have found that checking God's Word, the Bible, i can find the TRUTH. a TRUTH that has been tested throughout time and been proven true and steadfast. anyone can say they r a Christian but what r the fruits or actions that come from those words?

the reason i am sharing this is because my hubby got me thinking about Isaiah 45 and Isaiah 46. i finally stopped playing my game and opened up my Bible and read the chapters. after reading them, i read chapter 44 and reread 45 and 46. even tho this is set in times past, it is relevant today. read those words that were written so long ago and look at the present and see if u can see it to. then ask those questions to yourself first and then see if u can see the foolishness in our current president. if that is what u want for yourself, ok. but what about your children? and your grandchildren? i for one DO NOT want to have to explain to my children and grandchildren y a fool leads our country. nor do i want to explain y, when i had the chance to change it, i did nothing. yes, i see our current president as a fool. i do not believe that he can lead my country in the way i would like it go. in my heart of hearts, our current president is a complete liar and thief. our current president has not shown me that he even cares about anything or anyone but himself. he continuously tears down everything that this nation stands for.
is this what u want? do u really want to be told what u can eat, drink, or do? do u want to wonder what it would be like to be free to live the way u want? do u really want to be told when u can do something? i for one am not ready or willing to give up my freedoms that r God-given and those stated in our Constitution. i have the right to stand up for what i believe in. u also have that right. but how long will we have those rights? it's up to u and me.

today, i made my voice heard and voted. i hope u will do the same. the voice of the people has to be heard. at the same time, we need to continue to pray that God Almighty, will have mercy on America and shed His saving grace on this great nation once again.
Isaiah 45:7,8:
"I am the one who creates the light and makes the darkness. I am the one who sends good times and bad times. I, the Lord, am the one who does these things. Open up, O heavens, and pour out your righteousness. Let the earth open wide so salvation and righteousness can sprout up together. I, the Lord, created them."

03 October 2012

Zwnage~rest in peace

on tuesday, 10.02.2012, i learned that a friend passed away after 2+ yrs of fighting stage 4 colon cancer on 10.01.2012. by the time i knew him he was fighting the cancer that had spread. in the game we played, called FLYFF, he was known as Zwnage. he was one of my guild mates and it was always a good time when he was ingame. he rarely shared about the struggle he was goin' thru, but he definitely shared in making us laugh and smile. many times he just wanted to hang. i really had no idea the reality he was facing but i knew from past experiences with friends that stage 4 cancer is a wait and see game. and every time, the battle was lost. and Z was not gonna break it. he was a nice guy to chat with and tho i only saw the pic of him on skype, i would have enjoyed meeting him.

tuesday was the last day of the 3x exp event on FLYFF. everyone was racing to get as much as they could and i was no exception. my main character, Tawli, had made master and was working on getting as far along as she could. a friend and guildmate logged on in the afternoon, my time, morning for him and told us the news. several of us wondered where Z could be. we knew that he was fighting for his life but he had told everyone that he really wanted to use the event to get to master class; however it was not unusual for him to skip a day or 2 of playing the game. but he was always on skype or the new chat client, ventrillo. monday b4 the event, no one had heard from him. on wednesday, the first day of the 3x exp, still no Z. u see he was gonna help me lvl as he lvl'd. my guildmates had planned it out. they were gonna get me to master and then go as far as they could towards hero. well, i made master all the way up to lvl91 b4 i called it a nite on tuesday. but not a single word from Z was heard during the entire event. cyc, crazy, and me wondered where he could be. we knew Z could pass at any time. cyc even looked him up. nothing. so the weekend passed with still no word on Z. apparently cyc couldn't stop looking, and on monday he found the obit and knew it was Z as they had used the same pic that was on skype. now he knew for sure. Z was gone. such a short life for Z. he was 8 days shy of his 26th birthday. cyc was kind and passed the news to all guildmates and to some of us on skype. the last day to get the most out of the exp event was bittersweet and a bit hollow/empty. i noticed those that normally chat up a storm, were quiet, including me. even tho Z had not been ingame for more than a week, he was chatted about with words of hope but deep down we knew.
the one thing he really wanted to do ingame was make master b4 he died. he came so close but it wasn't to be. his character, Zwnage, will remain in the guild unless a system purge is done. a small memorial to us guildies whom he touched with his laughter and online smile.

rest in peace Z

22 September 2012

it has been a couple weeks since i posted last and i am happy to say that situations r just as they should be. my youngest daughter's surgical site is healing nicely and doin' very well despite the pain she experiences. my oldest daughter is doin' much better as r my grandchildren. 8) my hubby has healed nicely and is back to riding his bike with full strength. me, i am experiencing life outside of my comfort zone. and u know what? i am liking it. once a week, i have dinner with friends on Thursday. and today, i am goin' to visiting of those that need a little help. i'll be doin that every other week. 8)
there isn't much goin' on other than that. i am still in the process of scaling back the "things" in the house. it takes time cuz i might "need" it in the near future. yeah right! so i have to let it go and let someone else put it to good use.

one thing that bothered me this mornin' was when hubby read about how Chic-Fil-A backed down just so they could build a restaurant in chicago. and the pressure didn't come from the people. the pressure came from government. guess my business won't be goin' to Chick-Fil-A cuz they decided to lessen themselves and bow to a Godless government that is telling them how to run their business. besides, i make better meals here at home. and it's just the way i want it.

until next time...

09 September 2012

there r so many things goin' thru my head right now, i don't know where to begin.
so i will begin here:
God is good. God is in control. God can see me thru everything and anything. and right now, i need Him to see me thru a situation here at home. the first and best thing i can do is ask God to handle it. and as God is handling it, he shows me how to handle the different feelings, frustrations, and happenings that occur. i know that God is fully capable of taking care of the situation here at home. and u know, i believe He will. God will give me exactly what i need when i need it. i will take this opportunity and find the joy that God is showing me thru this situation. i will look to God's Word for wisdom and strength as i walk thru this.
as stated, it is a situation that involves family. as u r reading this, please lift us up in prayer.
the other things goin' thru my head r what can i do to be ready just in case the worse scenario happens. guess i should do what is written in the above paragraphs, eh?
this past week was a real challenge. first my daughter's biopsy came back negative. this past friday, she had it removed. she's doin' quite well aside from the pain. the scar will be minimal, which is good. on monday evening before my daughter's surgery, my hubby came off his bicycle while out riding. fortunately, he was wearing a helmet but still experienced a concussion. as he was coming down from flying thru the air, he hit his leg on the crossbar of the bike. he got a bruise from the handle bars on the lower thigh. his lower leg slapped the crossbar and it swelled up really big. we thought he might have cracked it but it wasn't. and no DVTs were found. and now, his leg is back to normal. thank u God!
and now, it brings me to right now. i am typing this with my oldest daughter lounging on the loveseat, youngest daughter in the kitchen drawing on a "purple chicken" for my granddaughter, and my grandson kissing his mommy. WOW! i am blessed! so i guess everything is as it should be right now.

until next time...

28 August 2012

missing u


today is my dad's 71st birthday. however, he has long since passed on.

i was wondering y i was so blah today. then i saw the day on the calendar. August 28th.
it has been a long time since i was able to hug my dad, talk to him, call him on the phone, or just laugh with him. the pic in my head right now is him in his workshop creating something using saws, wood, nails, and screws. it is how i remember him. the next pic in my head has him standing at the pulpit, sharing God's Word with the small congregation God had given him. still another pic is of him beaming when i graduated CFNI. he was so very proud of me. he couldn't stop smiling. and the pic i have seen many times at my mom's home, dad looking at my mom while playing with dolphins. i miss him so much. my hubby does not understand. only those who have gone thru similar circumstances as mine can.
the tears aren't as bad as when i first lost him, but they r still there. the pain of losing him has definitely lessened but is still felt. the joy of knowing i will one day soon see him again, brings a smile and quiet joy to my heart and mind.
i love and miss u dad.
until we see each other again...

until next time...

21 August 2012


i am hurting and tears have welled up in my eyes. y? because of what i have read on posts from my oldest daughter.

my thoughts on this matter r scattered so i apology if i don't make sense at times. i hope u will understand the heart of a mother.

my oldest daughter and her hubby have blessed Ken and i with 2 grandchildren. we love them so much.
when she had her first baby, i made myself available to help. however, she pushed me away unless it was convenient for her. mostly when they needed food, diapers, or gas. any advise i gave was usually brushed away. she thought she knew it all. but she soon found out that she didn't, but she wouldn't admit it to me. she went to all of her friends.
our granddaughter is loved so don't get any other idea. however, her mother is very protective of her. so much so, that saxon isn't allowed to play like most kids can; ie: in the dirt, mud, and just plain getting good and dirty. saxon's clothes have to be color coordinated down to the bow or clip in her hair. all that's good and well but i firmly believe in letting children be children and play like children should. but not my daughter.
a couple yrs l8r, a grandson was born to my oldest daughter. joe is all boy! u can see the love his sister has for him. and like most boys, he's definitely a momma's boy. tho he's getting better when he stays with us. his crying isn't lasting as long.
my daughter has always wanted to work and be a provider for her family along with her hubby, who works hard and long hrs. she has found a job that fits her but isn't too crazy about the hrs. but because she is family oriented, she has accepted the job. kudos to her. however, she has once again brushed me aside. because i am charging her $20 a week to watch joe, she has chosen to look elsewhere. on top of that, my daughter would need someone to pick up her daughter from pre-k and maybe even take her to school.
because of the previous dealings i have had with my daughter, i had to make a very hard choice between charging her to watch joe and not charging her. her actions toward me previously has shown me that if i don't stand up for myself, i would continually be taken advantage of.
without sharing everything, my oldest daughter hasn't always been the most gracious toward me. i have often cried silently to God. my hubby has seen the way she treats me and how it tore me up. it was he who told me to start charging her to watch the kids.
when saxon has drill team, i charge my daughter $1 to watch joe. it's not much, but it has made my daughter think long and hard. i put those dollars on my nightstand. not sure what i will do with the money.
and tonite, i read that my daughter is looking for someone to watch her kids so she can work this new job she just took. being a mother, i want to call her and tell i'll take the kids. but if i do, will i be treated with respect or disdain. so i don't even write in the comments nor will i offer. she will have to be the one to come to me. however, she will be quite shocked when i tell her that i will charge her for my time. and it won't be no $20 for 2 kids.
my hubby said i need to stand up and somehow let her know that i will not be taken advantage of. i am not a "walking mat" or "afterthought".
as i thought about what hubby said, "i looked at what my mom was doin' in missouri with watching her grandson and the in-laws 2 boys. she charged them a set amount each month. and the in-laws aren't "rich". the mother is a nurse goin' to school for her PA and their dad is a computer geek. so u can imagine the way they have to balance the budget. but they have no problem giving mom the money to watch the boys.
so as i continued to contemplate on this very difficult choice, i saw that there were pros to being paid to watch the kids. the one big con is that my daughter would be offended. but u know what, let her. she says her friends will be there for her, let 'em.
my tears will dry up and the pain will lesson. and the hurt will eventually dissipate. but how much time will it take for my daughter to see what she has done. i know it takes time to learn some lessons in life. but y can't this lesson be learned more quickly? y must she continually brush me aside and fight what i have already gone thru. i love my daughter so much. she is my first born. but most importantly, i made the choice to give birth to her. she has overcome so much in her life. i am very proud of her. if she would only accept what i have learned and apply it to herself.
in the above post, i have left out one very important person that has been there all the time. Holy Spirit has helped me get thru the pain and hurt. but the tears r just under the surface when i read some of her posts. God reminds me to pray for her. God is definitely working in her life. i can see it. but like all of us, there is lots more to do.
so i sit and wait. but i am moving on with my life. i am looking again for a job. but my real desire is to design beautiful fabric art. my youngest daughter does great art work. one of a kind designs that no one else has. but it's a dream, the money i need for the expensive embroidery program just isn't there.
so i focus on me and my hubby. i pray for my children and hope for the best.

now i am feeling better. the tears have dried up for now. i know that God will lead my daughter and me and, one day, healing.

until next time...

18 June 2012

18 June 2012

yesterday, hmmm...

our pastor is sharing on the book of James. so far he has taken us thru chapter one. yesterday, he shared on doing the Word. i find it a bit hard at times to "do" the Word. i find myself finding excuses to put off doing. other times, i just flat out refuse.

after he shared on James 1:19-27, pastor shared a list of what a husband should continue doing even after marriage. here is what i wrote down:

1)Ephesians 5:25 - LOVE
2)Song of Solomon 2:2 - PURSUE
3)Genesis 2:24 - Put in their place
4)I Peter 3:7 - Don't take for granted
5)Proverbs 5:15-18 - Keep eyes on her alone
6)Song of Solomon 8:1 - Do what u say
7)Esther 5:3 - Provide and be generous

as i listened, i wrote each one down, i saw where i think my husband could use some work. but the first 2 on the list r reciprocal if u think it thru. not only should a man continually love and pursue his wife, the wife should continually love and pursue her husband. i have seen it where the woman is the only pursuer and i have seen it where the man is the only pursuer. neither scenario gives good results the majority of the time. i have been on the expecting end a lot of the time. in the beginning of our relationship, i wanted to please my husband and show him that i loved him and him alone. i had no idea what i was getting into but i knew i loved him. i gently pursued him by being where i knew he would be. showed him my love by spending time with him and just hanging out. after our marriage, i did my best to show my love for him by encouraging him in what he wanted to do. however my pursuing of him almost completely vanished. since we were married, i had him, right?
wrong thinking on my part. he still had eyes for former girlfriends. he would talk about them and i would listen. he paid no attention to how this hurt me cause i covered it up. the fear of rejection in my life was so strong that i covered up the pain and hurt. the anger grew. deep down i knew i loved my husband but, i was having a time believing that he truly loved me. he tried pursuing me a bit more but since sex turned me off, he often lost interest. once, i pursued him by having him find notes our kids helped me write. it was a fun game to play on him. he truly enjoyed it. but that's the extent of my pursuing him. he has never done anything like for me.
my love-bond to my husband runs deeper than some. however, the love i "feel" from my husband is not as deep as it could be. i find that my husband tends to put me in my place the majority of the time. thus the "feeling" i have that his love for me is not as deep. what a "feeling" i get when my husband actually asks me to be with him. yet not long after, his words tear at me so deeply, that my pain and hurt must be hidden and not a word spoken. u see, i am held accountable for my past. no matter how much the present has been changed. in my husband's eyes i have not moved past certain things. so as u can imagine, i do share much with my husband. my "wonderful" ideas r rarely uttered. if i have thought something thru, i speak to my husband about it. most of the time, it is shot down ever so gently and at other times, i can't even get a word in for my own defense.
one thing pastor said that hit a very deep hurt was on spending money. everytime i ask my husband for something i would like to have, and even sometimes for things i need, his response is usually, "it takes money" or "we don't have it". but the minute, he sees something he wants, the money is all of a sudden there. here's an example:
a few years back, we went to FRY'S for something. i wandered off to the video section. as i scoured the videos, i found a collector's edition of "the bourne trilogy". when i saw the cost, $95, i hoped that my husband would get it. but i knew that it was only hoping. i also found the box set of the seven star trek movies. their cost, nearly $200. after my husband was finished, he found me and i took him to show and ask for the bourne trilogy. he said, "we don't the money." i then took him to where i found the star trek movies. i immediately saw the wheels turning in his head on how to be able to "afford" it. because i had my sunglasses on, my husband could not see the hurt he was causing in me. i put a smile on my face when he asked if it was ok to get them. apparently, he totally forgot that we couldn't afford these. i, of course, said, "sure, i want u to have them." all the while hoping that he would see what he was doing. he never even thought twice about what he was doin'. however, he did almost put them back. but he convinced himself, that the cost would be worth it and i also said it was ok.
there r many examples i could write about but i won't. i have recently been given an embroidery machine by my husband. i have wanted one for a long time. however, it is not a combo but i like it none-the-less. i am learning how to make beautiful designs on fabric and integrating it with the fabric art i already do. however, there is a problem with how much i can do with it. i finally found out how much the program i need is, $1600. this will let me do everything i want. my husband was with me when i found out the cost, he nearly fell over. i knew that it was stretching it a bit on my part in hoping that he would let me have it. but it's par for the course in my marriage. i am still waiting to purchase the embroidery program.
over the years, my husband has received a lot of nice things to make his chores and work easier. and i have given my blessing with a full heart in hopes that he would one day do the same for me. but i have come to the realization that i get nothing without earning it first. it's a hard lesson to learn. but if that's the only flaw my husband has, i am willing to wait on God to work continually on me. God is working on my husband and i see it. but i find myself searching myself to see what else God can fix in me. am i wrong? it won't be the first or last time if i am wrong.
to love as deep as i do, a lot of prayer, hurt, pain, and yes joy has happened in my life. heck, i'm still trying to choose the right path each day. i am learning to rest in God's arm and let Him take care of my hurt, pain, and all. so i walk, wait, hope, and pray that my relationship with my husband is as clean as it can be. it ain't easy, nor is it "fun" all the time. but it is definitely worth it.
my husband's strength lies in a deep commitment to me. u should see how hard he works. he has a strong mind, body, and soul. his mind figures out complicated problems on his job. his body makes sure the house, yard and vehicles r in good working order and clean. his soul enjoys the times he has with family and friends. so u see, there's only that one part in him that bothers me. one day, i will not be bothered by it because God will have "fixed" my thinking. so i must take my thoughts and put them under scrutiny of God's word and be the DOER of that Word. and God's Word says, "to live justly and walk humbly with our God". of that i will continue to strive. but in all my striving, i will DO the other, "be still, and know that I am God".

time to return to real life...

15 June 2012

15 June 2012

got a call from my daughter asking if i would watch the kids overnite on saturday. i said "yes, it'll be my birthday gift to chad." now hannah can have a nite with her man and enjoy it.

it's been 4 days since i started wearing my trial contacts. tho my eyes r still adjusting, i think i will like wearing them. gonna give it a shot for a year. i will be getting a pair of glasses for backup. u never what might happen.

finally getting the papers scanned into the system. should be complete in a few days. then i will have a bit more room to move around in my sewing room. getting projects made so i can sell them. i am hoping to make a couple hundred bucks. more if i can sell. gonna be making neck roll pillows, pillows, fabric art banners as well as embroidered ones. with stuff from katie and my mom, i want to have a craft sale in my front yard. we'll see if that will happen. but i will have them on my website. hoping all will be done by the end of July early August.

tomorrow is father's day. sure miss my dad. he's been gone since Dec1997. tho it's been a while, i still miss him deeply. u see, our relationship was in the beginning stages of healing. i sure wish we could have gotten to know each other better. but i am thankful for the years i did have with him. the times r now memories but worth remembering, even the bad ones. i am glad that God allowed us to forgive one another and i am proud to be my father's daughter. love and miss ya dad.

time to return to real life...

13 June 2012

13 June 2012

yesterday, i went to get my eyes rechecked because i can no longer use the glasses i have had for over 3 yrs. they r tri progressives and they bug the heck out of my eyes. so yesterday, b4 leaving, i decided i was gonna try contacts. i didn't tell my hubby about it but instead said i was gonna get my glasses replaced.
b4 i got my eyes rechecked, i had the tires rotated. will check where to get them rebalanced as i didn't have my warranty with me. was there for about 45 minutes. then off to the eye doc.
got to the doc around 1045 hrs. since i was a walk-in, i asked if they could see me. the clerk looked and asked if could wait til 1100 hrs. i was very happy to wait until then.
after they called me back and i got all the prelim stuff done, i told Dr. Fain that i wanted to try contacts. he asked me about the glasses i have and how i would want the readers to work. since i spend many hours playing on my laptop, i wanted my lenses/contacts fitted with single vision for my first set. i have to have reading glasses but not the kind u can buy at the store. so i will be getting them later. i am wearing contacts that last a month. the trials r not exactly what i need. i am working on getting used to my left eye being my "reading eye" as my right eye is dominant.
my first day, i wore the trials for 4 hrs. today, i wore them for 6 hrs. tomorrow i will wear them for 8 hrs. after that, i wear them all day. i can even sleep in them. don't know if i will do that.
i am used to seeing clearly with my peripheral vision. but with the contact in my left eye, it's blurry due to the fact that it is my reading eye. my right eye is doin' well with the trial contact tho things r not as clear as they should be. we'll see how the new contacts r. hopefully, i will be able to get my reading glasses fairly quick. anyway, this should be interesting as i have not been without glasses on my face since i was 15 yrs old, when i first started wearing glasses. i am still getting used to seeing myself "naked" when i look in the mirror. hopefully, that feeling will dissipate quickly. i know it will be nicer when i wear my headphones and not have to maneuver them so my ears don't hurt because of the frames.
now for the adventure of life....

30 May 2012

30 May 2012

got a call from my mom. she shared an idea with me that i think is really neat. gonna do some pondering on it to see how i can implement the idea. really do think it's a good one she came up with.
today is a day that is best spent inside. it has been a really wet one outside. started last night after the ballgame. hope they get tonite's game in. and staying inside has been relaxing for me today. haven't done much of anything. no kids until tomorrow afternoon.
will let u know what i come up with on my mom's idea she gave me. until then...

20 May 2012

20 May 2012

sunday service was really good. got to worship with my mom and corine who r trapsing around America in a small motorhome. they r back on the road again. i think heading to colorado now. sure was nice to have them visit one more time.

today, our pastor michael geddie started on a new series called "JAMES: A FAITH TO LIVE BY".
there r 3 kinds of people: 1) those in the middle, 2) those that just come out of, and 3) those who r about to enter a time of testing/trial/trouble.
I Corinthians 10:13 promises that God will help us endure the trial.
James 1:1-4 says we r to count it all joy. even tho we may not be "joyous" in the middle of the trouble/testing/trial, it is the end result that is the joy. the trial/testing/trouble makes us steadfast or able to endure as God prepares us for what He has for us. God uses the testing/trial/trouble to strengthen us in and thru that weak area in our life. God gives us the quiet strength that shows us He is there with us. when we learn to apply God's word to our testing/trial/trouble our responses are peaceful as we endure the circumstances around us and in our own lives. our character begins to reflect God's character.
did u know that when our character reflects God's, we can be exactly what God has called us to be: worshipers of God. we worship God in all we do. and when we can worship God in all we do, our lives r filled with a peace that is not understood by those whose lives r not. my mom calls it a peace that passes all understanding. i have watched as she lives it everyday. growing up in my house was not always smooth or perfect but my mom was a rock. she had a peace that i did not understand. she has passed this on to me and my siblings as best she could. she lives it still in every part of her life. i can see it in her eyes when i look at her and the peace that comes from deep within. i can only hope and pray that i can allow God to do the same in my life. as i have lived my life, there r times when i let go and get really angry and that's when God gently reminds me i still have to give that Him. He allows circumstances to bring me to a point where i have to deal with the situation within me. when i do that, i see a change in others. i don't always let God work on the thing i am holding on to. but the times i do, i see a change in me and the way i handle things when it comes up again. i have experienced the peace that passes understanding many times in my adult life. i call it a knowing strength that is quiet but strong. my mom has taught me so much by the way she lives. and sometimes with words. love u mom!

this has been a good day so far. right now i am watching the ballgame between the TX Rangers and Houston Astros. my Rangers r leading in the top of the 3rd 5-0. we'll see if they can keep the lead and take the series.


15 May 2012

15 May 2012
took time out to help my niece, Brianna, celebrate her graduation from high school. along with her were 2 other young ladies, Kaylee and Chrissy, who also graduated. my husband and i were quite amazed as we listened to achievements and scholarships that were earned by Kaylee and Chrissy. Chrissy accomplished her achievements despite her family problems maintaining an A average. Kaylee also achieved her accomplishments while helping out her family. Ken and I were really surprised and happy for all 3 young ladies. I hope and pray that all 3 of them will achieve their goals and do well in college.
the trip itself was really nice. got to see my sister, her son and my nephew, his girlfriend, my mom, my brother and his family. also got to see extended family and friends. it was a nice time. now to rest from all the fun over the weekend and the drive home on monday.
graduation was on 12th of May.
mother's day, Dan's birthday, and my sister, Chris, birthday on 13th of May.
48 yrs ago, Chris was born. 18 Feb 1978, Chris was taken from us. there r times when i forget it's her birthday when it comes around. but this past sunday, i did not forget. my mom's eyes showed that she had not forgotten either when i mentioned it. there seemed to be a missing person that i expected to show up anytime but never did. she is still sorely missed. i often wonder what my life might be like if she was still here. it is a dream i know, but sometimes i just can't help it. i see Chris in my youngest daughter, Katie. but i move forward and put those thoughts away so i can live today.
today, i watched my grandkids and cleaned my kitchen for the most part. still have the little bit of dishes that need to be finished tho i can now see my counters. 8} tomorrow i must find my half finished projects so i can finish them and get them ready to sell. i am hoping to earn the $1600 i need for the software program for my Brother embroidery machine. that way i can do what i really want to do. however, when i finally get the program, i will need to get lots and lots more thread. so i gotta sell a lot of my crafting projects.

06 May 2012

06 May 2012

what a great day! hubby grilled the tuna steaks and we actually had a "sit down at the table" meal together. it was the first time i remember having tuna steaks. along with the veggies and salad fixins, the meal was great! made "hot milk sponge cake" x2 - one to take with me and one for hubby.

had a great time at Voyagers this evening. the sharing and fellowship were great. and the food was good as well.

this week i am getting ready to go to my niece's graduation. gotta a lot of stuff to do: baking cookies and bread to take with us. also trying to make a gift for the graduate. but i can't decide on what to make. if i had the program i need as well as the thread, i could make a really neat gift. however the software program costs about $1600. will be awhile b4 i can afford it.

still pondering on a few things i need to take care of. hopefully, i can come to a decision soon.

better get to bed, not sure if i am watching the grandkids early or not.

until next time...

19 April 2012

19 April 2012

what a wonderful day! there is so much to be thankful for. have been organizing my craft area as well as figuring out what projects to start with and finish. should soon have all the pieces in place. sure is difficult to organize such a small area and still have room to maneuver in. but it will be worth it.
this past sunday, my mom and her friend stopped by for a short visit. really nice to see both of them. they even came with me to Voyagers with me and my daughter. really enjoyed sharing my mom with my new friends. just wish they could have stayed longer.
well, my niece, Brianna, is graduating in May. get to go and celebrate with her. had a scare but everything is good now. can't wait to see my niece and finally meet her boyfriend.
until next time...

02 March 2012


27 Mar 2012 {last post}
on 14 Mar 2012, Kaylee had her stitches removed. my daughter ended up taking her as i still could not put my shoe on due to the swelling of my third tow on the left foot. the scar is healing nicely. the has already begun to regrow and should have the scar fully covered by the beginning of summer. she is back to running, jumping, and catching frisbees. but the thing i think she likes the most is that the special collar she had to wear is gone. she looks so much better now. what a great dog!

13 Mar 2012
well, it's been 11 days since Kaylee's surgery and she is doin' well. was supposed to go and get the stitches removed today but i can't put my shoe on due to injurying my left toe. {read "me" to find out more.} so i will try tomorrow. her checkup 4 days after surgery was great! the drainage tube was also removed on that checkup. so now all that is left are the stitches. it is sad that hubby can't take her due to him having to be in the office. otherwise, it would have been done today in spite of my foot. hubby has really taken good care of his dog. but of course, both our dogs r spoiled. 8} here's to walkin' hehehehehe.... 8}

02 Mar 2012
today, my hubby's dog, Kaylee (12), had surgery to remove a lump on right rump. surgery went well with all of the tumor removed. Dr. Ann did not have to invade any muscle. she is now home and still groggy and "dopey" but is doin' good. Dr. Ann left in a drainage tube due to the large cavity that was left when the tumor was removed. a biopsy is being done as she saw something that concerned her. we hope it's nothing and she thinks it is nothing as well. the tube will have to be tended to until it is removed in 3-5 days with the stitches removed in a few weeks. but so far Kaylee is looking really good. our other dog, Brahka (12), wants to "mother" her by licking Kaylee's wounds. so we have to keep them separated. it is hard for both dogs. we'll see what all we have to do with my Brahka in order to keep them apart. Kaylee is right now resting although a bit uncomfortably because of the tube sticking out but she is bearing this well. a little extra TLC and she will be fine.

the tube is allowing for the fluid to not build up in the big cavity that was left when the tumor was removed. when all is healed, it should fill in with muscle or fat or something like that. it will definitely be a while before she can run, jump, and catch a frisbee. her appetite is also nonexistent at this time but should return within the week.

03 Mar 2012
well, the first postop nite went really well. Kaylee drank some water but has yet to eat any food. but hopefully, her appetite will return soon. she does however chow down the treats we give her. better take another look at the food we r giving her. if she smells lamb in it, she will not eat. hubby has taken off the special collar when she is just laying down with him. she appears much better today and the incision area is very nice with the swelling goin' down. blood drainage is still there but is clean smelling and good in color. Kaylee seems much happier without that silly collar on. when she has it on, her head is down and her eyes sad looking; like she is trouble or has done something wrong. she's a really good dog and listens when hubby says "No, Kaylee". hopefully, Kaylee will be able to have the tube removed on monday or tuesday. we'll see.

22 February 2012

wow! tomorrow is my 27th wedding anniversary.

can't believe how we have held on to one another for all these years. the journey has not been a bed or roses but solid ground has always been there. at times the path was cluttered with weeds and brush but it has always been cleaned up. when the path got muddy and hard to traverse, the sun eventually came out and dried up the mud to once again give a clean path to walk on. along the path, the flowers grew and bloomed each season thru the years. sometimes we took time to smell the flowers and enjoy their beauty and other times, we ignored them or chose not to see. but the flowers never stopped blooming or growing.
another year is beginning for the journey on the path before us. what will it bring? i know love will be what binds us, along with our promise to walk the path of this journey together.

my prayer is that we continue to walk this path and make the best of our journey together.

i love u, ken.

your wife, sandi

14 February 2012

my new toy

27 Mar 2012
well, the material is almost ready for the fabric art. i am getting all the pieces cut out as well. i am hoping to get the "started" projects completed first. am wanting to have a craft sale in my front yard. tho i am kind of scared of doin' that. not one to do those kinds of things. but if i want to make some money, i will have to get over it. as of yet, the pics r not taken. will have to do that as well.

02 Mar 2012
well, my first project is complete except for the final sewing. my sewing machine won't work! tried to hand sew it but i couldn't keep the stitching evenly spaced. what a bummer! but the name banners look so nice! will get pics soon.

16 Feb 2012
practiced a thread changing pattern and butterfly:
gonna choose my first project now. but, aaaaaahhhhhhhhh, i don't have any space on my cutting table. better clear it off again for the umpteenth time. one day i'll have the space i need...8} well, off to do some projects.

14 Feb 2012
the machine arrived @ 1330 hrs. after carefully opening the box and checking the contents, i had to leave and watch my grandkids for a short while. after i returned, i placed the machine on the desk and started my learning. directions were clear and easy to follow. have already played with heart frame and lettering. take a look:
using the thread i already have will make the designs really stand out. it was nice that the bobbin thread was included.

there is so much for me to learn. after dinner, hubby and i went to JoAnn Fabrics and got 1 yd of material and stabilizer so i could practice the different patterns and learn all the fun stuff i can do with this machine. hopefully, by the end of the week, i will know enough to try it on some of my unfinished projects. can't wait!

today, i will recieve my embroidery machine. i have wanted an embroidery machine for over 7 yrs. hubby finally said it was ok to get one. did some checking on the Brother PE770 embroidery machine and i am hoping that the reviews i read and what my hubby told me is the right choice. made the purchase from Walmart.com on monday, 13 Feb, morning and it will arrive today, 14 Feb, and added the extra 2yr service. i have lots of learning to do b4 i actually get goin' on it. will be keeping a blog on my progress and projects. am hoping to make some "bowling money" with my designs and projects. so much to do. well, i better get my desk cleaned off so i can place the new machine there.

~ me ~

27 Mar 2012
it has been 2 weeks since i injured my left third toe. i still have trouble with wearing my shoe. but that's not the only thing. on the monday after i injured that toe, i injured my right third toe! how? by hitting it on a low to the floor, wheeled, plant stand that was placed there so we wouldn't run into the brick from the fireplace. i was wearing my flops when i did it this time as i was getting my grandson from playing with my plants. it didn't swell like the other toe did but it hurt nonetheless. a few yrs back, about 2007, i dropped a 14 lb bowling ball on my right foot. thank God for sturdy bowling shoes. but it still caused my foot to swell and injured the first three toes with the big toe taking the brunt of it. so u can see that my feet r not all that immune from injury. it's a joke here at the house now. but, oh well! nothing i can do about that except protect my toes and feet better by watching where i am goin' and NOT dropping bowling balls on them. hehehehehehe..... 8}

13 Mar 2012
today i am laid up in bed due to a foot injury that happened last nite. as i was walking behind my daughter, i slammed my 3rd toe of my left foot into the green chest that sticks out a bit from the wall just passed the bookcase closest to the bathroom. and let me tell u this: IT WAS PAINFUL! my hubby and daughter kept asking if i was ok. i was fine except for the pain. since i had socks on, i didn't look at it. it was throbbing so hard i could hear it in my head and i had to keep myself from passing out. now i'm no wimp when it comes to pain but this kind of pain can only be compared to childbirthing. of course, i didn't put ice on it. i just went about my normal stuff and kept walking around the house thinking i could just "ignore" it. yes, i could feel the swelling happening but i still didn't put ice on it nor did i look at it. after sleeping, i walked on it but noticed that the whole front part of my foot, the toes and ball of my left foot really hurt. the throbbing continued in my injured toe but not until about 10a did i examine my left foot. looking at the 3rd toe i saw that it was more black than blue. i put my sock back on and started my day. but when i showed my daughter, she said it looks like u may have broken it. yes, i have insurance but i won't go to the doc because money is tight and i really don't want to hear that "all" the money was spent on me. went thru that a while back and i don't want to go thru it again. so i am taking my kid's advise and staying off my feet and resting. will check on the toe again to see if the swelling has stabilized or started goin' down. so until i can walk, on my left foot, i'm stuck! what a bummer. oh well, i'll just catch up on my game playin' and stuff.

14 Feb 2012
this is my new blog. and since this is my first blog post, i will keep it short.

1) my name is sandi
2) i'm married to ken
3) have 2 grown children
4) have 2 grandchildren
a) 1 granddaughter 2008
b) 1 grandson 2011
5) enjoy spending time with my grandkids
6) enjoy time with my husband
7) favorite game on internet right now is FLYFF
8) i am a blood-bought, Bible-believin', redeemed child of God
9) love to bowl.

i am hoping to find some female friends that live in the DFW area. i really enjoy baking and sharing the goodies with family and friends.