I am so sorry I have not kept up this blog over the past couple of years. to be honest, I had no real desire to becuz of all that I was goin' thru. so over the next few days, I will tell about mine and Ken's journey thru the TDCJ. I will not go into deep detail as we r still walking this road. I really want to share the struggle that we went thru and how Daddy got us both thru. this will pretty much be an overview of the different struggles, events, and situations we faced the past 2 yrs to the present day.
AFTER THE TRIAL and INTO TDCJ
when I saw ken walk thru the courtroom doors opposite me on 25 May 2017 to the hallway of incarceration, I was devastated. I was completely alone. I had no idea what he was in for now did he. I had no idea how I would keep goin'. the man that was my husband looked like a dead man walking. he looked defeated, walked defeated, and had no life in his eyes. my husband was now a convicted felon. I am now the wife of a convicted felon.
that first weekend was hard. I found out that I could visit so I did. my youngest daughter went with me. I was nervous, without a clue as to what I was supposed to do. but there were people waiting that helped me and I was so glad for that. seems Daddy was making sure I knew he was looking out for me. so I see my husband for the first time. he didn't look much different from when we parted that day. he told me that his thyroid meds were taken away and he had not had any since that day he was booked. I tried to be strong and upbeat but I was scared and unsure.
we were separated by glass so we had to use a phone to speak to one another. not fun for me at all. it was hard.
after leaving, I struggled to put things right. and that struggled continued cuz I had a hard time focusing on God. I couldn't really see passed myself. I visited my husband every weekend and we chatted as often as we could on the phone while he was in county jail. I found out that he didn't get any meds until 8 days in to his stay at county. that was after I had our doc call them. it was frustrating to see my husband suffer like that. I almost lost him in 2009 becuz of this hypothyroid stuff. they gave him 2 grains, which kept him functioning enough to obey the guards and have mobility.
he stayed in county jail until 26 June 2017 when he was moved to Gurney where he was processed into the TDCJ (Texas Department of Criminal Justice).
ken was in Gurney located in Palestine, TX from 26 June 2017 to 05 December 2017 when he was moved to Byrd in Huntsville, TX where he stayed from 05-15 December 2017.
once he left county jail, there were no more phone calls cuz TDCJ doesn't allow my carrier. it's a month to month one and they want a contract carrier. oh well. snail mail will have to be good enough. however, I am able to send email to him, he can't answer me tho. I get all answers in snail mail.
on 15 December 2017, my husband was moved to an ID unit. something we were told he would not see becuz of his short sentence. but for some reason he was placed there. he stayed there until 06 March 2018. Beto is right next door to Gurney. go figure.
while ken was in county jail, my life was a mess. my youngest daughter and her family moved in with me. I was glad they were there but I was also frustrated they were there. looking back, I wish I had done a few things differently. ken and I were both looking at ourselves while he was county jail. God was doin' a complete tear down in him and I was goin' thru questions and emotions of all sorts. one mail question I had to truly face was "do I still want to fight for my marriage?" after a few letters, I chose to forgive and fight for my marriage knowing full well what it meant. I also learned a lot thru the letters he wrote while in county jail.
then while ken was still county jail, I learned that my mom, brother, sister, and the others didn't want me at her wedding. what a shock when I was looking forward to escaping the situation for a short time to celebrate my mom. so as I finished her shawl, I did it with a heavy heart and couldn't careless if she liked it or not. I was so hurt. it took a long time to forgive but I forgive and have since let them know. I still travelled to the hotel ken and I booked back in April2017 cuz I couldn't get a refund. I didn't tell them I was there until that night of my mom's wedding. I saw the clouds coming in and asked Daddy to keep the rain away but it rained good and hard. I thought "wow! Daddy is sad I was excluded." I sat the desk in my room writing in my journal, still not able to see passed myself and who I now was.
I headed from there to Missouri to my sister-in-law who should have been home but had a massive heart-attack and was in hospital. on the road cruising 60 mph in the Blue Ridge Mountains, I got a 2 phone calls. one telling me that I am ok from my doc. the other that Ken was now on 3 grains of thyroid meds. I was also overwhelmed by Daddy as he told me what my story was. my story doesn't involve prison, drugs or alcohol. in fact, my story ain't much to look at. Daddy told me that my story was patient endurance and enduring patiently. Daddy showed me glimpses of my life as I patiently waited or endured situations that hurt deeply.
when I arrived in Missouri, I got situated and headed to hospital. I waited for my time to be able to sit with Sarai. as I sat in her room one day I saw that she seemed to alert. so I stood by her bedside and spoke directly to her. I told her my ken was ok. and it's ok to let go. I stayed one nite in a hotel there in Missouri.
I left to go stay in Bartlesville, OK in the same hotel on ken's and i's last visit. as I left my room on the 5th floor, I distinctively heard Daddy say, "do u want to come back here with ken?" I said, "yes. could we?" u see, God had told ken that when he came home, he needed to "GO". so ken believes that he is to first "GO" heal his marriage, then the rest of the family and friends he hurt and follow where Daddy leads. so I have been believing for the impossible for over 2 yrs now. really ever since this whole thing started in 2015.
I stayed for 2 nites in Bartlesville. I left on Friday morning cuz I wanted to make it for my first visitation with ken since county jail.
as I started out on my drive to Palestine, TX on HWY75, I got this pain in my chest like I was having a heart attack. but I wasn't. it was Daddy telling me something. I quickly thought thru stuff and landed on Sarai. I called out her name. "SARAI!" then I said, "she's gone, isn't she? Goodbye, Sarai." I drove on my way with a heavy heart but knew that one day, we will see each other again and then we could have our tea and chat then.
I arrived in Palestine, TX for what would be many visits at the Holiday Inn Express on Friday afternoon. I got my stuff in my room and relaxed the rest of the nite.
Saturday mornin' saw me up early so I could get to see ken. the visit was behind glass. but that was ok. I got to see him. when he entered the visiting area, I saw a glow I had not seen before. I could see it surrounding him, in his eyes, and his countenance. it was so good to see him. I felt like a little kid. our conversations consisted of stuff like the house, grandkids, and us. concerns were very much part of every conversation. we hadn't yet learned how to leave them in God's capable hands. God had done a wonderful work in my husband and I am seeing it for the first time. each visit from then on was anticipated.
at the end of July, God spoke to ken: I will execute extreme judgement on your behalf in your case and u will be home sooner than your paperwork says.
on the 27th of August I got to touch my husband for the first time in over 3 months. my first hug from him was so nice. that first kiss was special beyond anything thus far. holding his hand and his face in my hands was heavenly. Daddy was still working on him and me. him more so at the time.
I came to enjoy the drive down to our visit every week. the drive was my way of refreshing and relaxing. I love to travel. so I really enjoy long drives.
on one of those long drives, I was crying cuz Daddy was beginning the work in me that he needed to do. ya c, I had been holding blame against God, had unforgiveness in me and Daddy needed me to let that go. Daddy wanted me to forgive not only him but myself, my oldest daughter and my family. it was not easy to any of it. forgiving God was the first thing I did. my hearts cry has since become 'I want to live your heart, Daddy.' forgiving my oldest daughter came next.
on 31October2017 I met face to face with my oldest daughter. I told her everything I could and asked her forgiveness. we reconnected over the next few weeks slowly. I enjoyed seeing my oldest grandchildren once again. please pray for them as they have needs only God can handle.
Thanksgiving came and went. Christmas came and went. both holidays were very low-key for me. both my kids did their best to make it happy for all. these holidays r difficult for me anyway cuz my father died on 02 December 1997. I have not enjoyed that time of year for quite a while. I do my best to make it good for others.
by this time, my oldest daughter decides she wants to see her dad. so she makes sure her name is on the list of visitors. on 04 March 2018 she visits. the visit was ok. she could not see the change God had done in her dad. that is the sad part.
I will stop here and continue in the next post.
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