I arrived home and went strait to my room. I was quite down and hurting. I didn't understand y but I'm sure it was becuz I was about to be homeless in just over a month, my hubby was struggling to live, and I felt like no one was standing with me. it was difficult seeing others cuz was I all up in myself. I didn't understand y I wasn't getting a little bit of what God had said he would do. this gray spirit kinda thing hung heavy over me. it was hard to stay cordial and force myself to "be involved". I had no desire to be involved or do anything. I wondered about a lot of things, one of them being ken and a possible move. I asked God to keep him there but that was not God's plan. so...
25 February 2018 I checked the TDCJ website and saw that my hubby was still at Diboll. however, before the day had finished, he was removed from Diboll. I received 2 separate messages from inmate wives telling me Ken "chained out" on Monday. I checked on Tuesday and he was at The Wall. this is a transfer unit inmates stay at until they r assigned a unit. he was at The Wall from 25-27 February 2019 when he was moved to McConnell unit. Ken said he had the best meal in forever. he had no idea y he was being moved of course. they don't tell the inmates that stuff. and if I did not follow the TDCJ website regularly, I would not know where my husband is either. 28 February-01 March 2019 he was located at McConnell unit. by the end of 01 March 2019 he was finally at his destination, Segovia.
Segovia is located in Edinburg, TX. this city is located 7 hrs southeast of my house. when I saw that, I cried and let out my hurt and disappointment. Daddy let me get it out. I eagerly waited for my husband's next letter, it arrived on the 08th of March. all this time I was beside myself not sharing anything except: 'my hubby's been moved' or 'he's been moved, again!'
just b4 receiving his letter, I felt something break in my spirit. it wasn't huge or even noticeable at first. but I was in the process of writing my letter to him and the words I was writing made my spirit lift. I remembered a song from my childhood my mom would sing and I saw her face as I began singing it. here's the song:
sweet Holy Spirit
sweet heavenly dove
stay right here with me
filling me with your love
and for each blessing
I lift my heart in praise
without a doubt i'll know
that I have been revived
when I shall leave this place.
after singing that a couple times, I was "feeling" better. I also decided that I wasn't gonna lose my joy again. I will not give in. I will not give up. my Daddy has given me everything and I need to let him be God. so I am starting every morning reminding myself that the joy of the Lord is my strength. I will walk in forgiveness and walk in faith as well as live by faith. I will not give in to my enemy who only want to give up when I am so close to breaking thru and honoring God with crossing the finishing line in this chapter of my life. SATAN! BITE THE DUST!!
on 08 March 2019 I received a letter from Ken that read very upbeat. however, I found out that he had not had any meds since Monday, 25 February when he left Diboll. he was doin' his best to function and said that Holy Spirit was giving him the strength he needed to make it thru.
later on after getting settled in, he finally saw the unit doc and had a rather nice chat for about 30 minutes. the doc estimates that ken's thyroid is 2/3 dead and was probably helped by the noncompliance of the Diboll doc. so now my hubby is back on the 3 grains he was prescribed by the specialist he saw in late January/early February. hubby also shared how the food was much better at Segovia. he was getting all the veggies he could eat and other good, well-prepared food he could eat. Ken has said that this move is ordained by God. Daddy told him that after he arrived. it's taking a while readjusting to 67 roommates and making a routine that works for him. once again, he has nothing to do except what they require of the inmates. he is not on a work detail or helping out with anything.
me? I sit in my room most days cuz I'm looking for work. no insurance on a car that runs but needs work hinders my search. I made some choices that were wrong and now I and Daddy r working on making things right. it hasn't been easy. I am goin' thru emotions I had thought I worked thru already. I am goin' thru stuff, I really did not want to repeat with family. Daddy has me and is teaching me just how much he cares for me. he is doin' the same with Ken. together God is making us ready for our reuniting as husband and wife with Christ as the center of marriage. we r learning how to walk in love, forgiveness, GRACE, and mercy every day in our different circumstances and locals.
Hosea 10:12 has been working in both of our lives. we r about to experience the end part of that verse. both of us r learning to live Isaiah 41:10. I am learning how to live Matthew 7:7, 8. the love God has shown me thus far on this journey is sweet. I have learned and still learn that God's GRACE really is enough for each day he gives me.
I received a one page letter from Ken encouraging me to stay where I am but I will trust God and move forward wherever he leads and wherever he goes. I await the next part of my journey to the finish line of this part of my life.
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